The #1 Thing Sabotaging Your Conversations & How to Fix It

The #1 Thing Sabotaging Your Conversations & How to Fix It

What are identity concerns? Identity concerns are the internal questions that arise and make us feel attacked when faced with tough conversations. We race through all that’s going on around us, all we can remember about the situation being discussed, the data points we have about the person talking with us, and perhaps most important all the questions we have about ourselves. Identity concerns look like the following: Why are they saying this to me? What do they think of me? What do others think of me? What are they NOT saying? Am I good enough? Am I worthy of this relationship, this job, this opportunity? Am I capable? As the questions swirl in our head, anxiety grows, and we began to move along the spectrum of fight or flight. Our body tenses and emotions take over. Our ability to hold a quality conversation diminishes as we get lost in our stories. These thoughts complicate the situation and inhibit our ability to be truly present and engaged in the conversation at hand. We introduce dynamics that cloud our judgement and prevent moving the conversation toward resolution and the outcome we truly want. Dealing with our identity concerns helps us get back in conversation and keep communication flowing.  It helps us move from a place of blame and judgement to contribution and mutual purpose. Start by naming your identity concerns. What questions or concerns about yourself are popping up most and generating emotions which are in the way of dialogue? Look for patterns:  Is there a recurring trigger that generates the concerns? What personal filters are you applying to how...
How to Build Trust With Coworkers Using StrengthsFinder

How to Build Trust With Coworkers Using StrengthsFinder

Someone once said, “Trust is like oxygen – you only notice it when it’s not there.” It’s almost like an invisible foundation, where without it, everything falls apart. The problem with trust is it’s often hard to understand. It’s like it’s there or it’s not. But, what if it’s actually not all that ambiguous? What if there is more of a science to trust than we know to explore? If we spend so much time learning about our Strengths and how to have Tough Conversations, where does Trust come into play if it’s so important? Let’s start with Strengths. At Trybal, we’re huge fans of StrengthsFinder. If you’ve worked with us, we’ve likely taken you and the folks at your organization through a StrengthsFinder workshop and some one-on-one coaching. What tends to be pretty fun for people is when we reveal the concept of Dark Side Labels with our infamous Darth Vader slide on our PowerPoint deck. We teach people that everyone has Dark Sides and that we can talk about them with levity. Rather than attacking who someone is in their identity, we explain that the flip-side of the coin of what’s truly extraordinary about you is where you find your Dark Sides. Now, when it comes to trust, someone’s common Dark Sides or simple lack of Strength in a certain area may negatively impact any of the four cores of trust, as defined by Stephen M. R. Covey in his best-selling book, The Speed of Trust. The four cores are: Integrity Intent Capabilities, and Results If your Adaptability Strength has you go with the flow a little...
5 Steps for Successful Email Communication

5 Steps for Successful Email Communication

Get Out of Your Stories Emails are dangerous because of the gap in communication elements. No tone, no body language, no context. As humans, our first instinct is to create a story to give us perspective on the message. This is how we decide our boss is fuming mad when we get a one-liner email. Or, how we decide Susan has too much time on her hands when she sends a four-paragraph email, the first and last of which are more like engaging in small talk. If you aren’t in face to face dialogue with the other person, you really don’t know.  Here are 5 easy steps for successful email communication. 1. Stop with the stories Take the actual message for what it is. If it’s not clear or context and perspective matter to your next action, clean it up first. Pick up the phone or go see the sender. Don’t be the person creating this week’s office drama because of a story you made up because you were too lazy to get the facts. 2. Know Yourself Take 5 minutes and look at your inbox. What details about the emails you process each day make it more or less likely you’ll engage? What makes it easiest or hardest for you to take action? Whose emails do you like most and whose do you like least? Why? (other than you just don’t like the message/data they’re sending) For example, I personally like emails with the specific required action stated first and a bullet point list if necessary.  Support or background info is OK, and I want it last with...