[Lucrative Lookback] 2 Sure-Fire Ways to Quiet Your Inner Commentator

[Lucrative Lookback] 2 Sure-Fire Ways to Quiet Your Inner Commentator

In this Lucrative Lookback, we’ll share 2 ways you can conquer your inner commentator. You know, the inner voice that goes through all your lunch options during the mid-morning meeting. Here are 2 ways to successfully hush your inner commentator: 1. Acknowledge & Accept It. We all have an inner voice, constantly making noise inside our skulls. Sometimes it’s our best friend, telling us we look way better in that pair of shoes than we do. Other times, it’s tearing us down and acting like a bit of jerk. Almost all of the time, it’s working hard to distract us from being present during conversations, especially Tough Conversations. Of course, those are the ones we should be most present in. Most of us try to control it, getting into an argument with it. Like a toddler throwing a tantrum, the harder we try to calm it down, the louder our inner commentator gets. Instead of trying to control it, the best way to deal with our inner commentator is to acknowledge we have one, then accept it. The idea is to quiet it, not remove it. Take this moment to let your inner commentator know you’re on to it, and you’re turning the volume down. 2. Use the Skills for Being Present. There are 3 skills we can use to keep ourselves in the moment and out of our heads: 1. Inquire, 2. Paraphrase, 3. Acknowledge. When we Inquire, we’re tapping into that all important communication tool, curiosity, and asking questions we genuinely want the answer to. “How do you see it?” “What details do you have I may...
[Lucrative Lookback] How to Quiet Your Inner Commentator to Listen Better

[Lucrative Lookback] How to Quiet Your Inner Commentator to Listen Better

We’ve all been there… Someone starts talking, and though we may look like we’re listening, a dozen things are going through our heads, preventing us from truly listening. This can be especially true if the other person said something that sparked an emotion. Effective conversations require us to use clear, concise communication AND be present. Whether you feel the conversation is good or bad, having the inner commentator in our heads distracting us is no good. (Watch just how off-the-wall you inner commentator can be in this video!) So, what is the inner commentator? Everyone has an inner commentator. Also referred to as our inner critic, the inner commentator is simply the voice in our head that distracts us from being present. As the video demonstrates, it can be an internal battle on how to react to someone. Perhaps you’re preparing your response so it comes out just right…which might not make sense if you didn’t hear everything the other person said. No matter what your inner commentator is saying, it is distracting! The bad news about our inner commentator. Unfortunately, our inner commentator works 24/7, 7 days a week. It’s constantly chattering in your head, telling you what to think, how to feel, and sometimes to cast judgment on others. The good news about our inner commentator. Here’s the good news: we can train our inner commentator to quiet down and allow us to be present. The easiest way to do this is to Try Curiosity. Trying Curiosity means we are consciously choosing to be in inquiry about the other person’s Story. It is a state of being...
The #1 Reason a Good Conversation Goes Bad

The #1 Reason a Good Conversation Goes Bad

Sometimes we’re so concerned with how the conversation is going to go, we forget to think about what happens after the conversation! It’s likely we’re hoping some change will come about. We want someone to stop leaving their garbage all over the break room, or for the next big launch to increase profits. We can have good conversations all day long (in fact, we sincerely hope you do!), however they won’t amount to much if that’s all there is. The #1 reason good conversations go bad is a lack of results. The garbage is still everywhere and our sales actually decreased. Whatever result we were looking for didn’t happen, and suddenly that good conversation feels like a waste of time. How do we get the results we want? Accountability. There’s that blasted word again. We keep using it, and it’s for a good reason. Accountability produces results - it’s what makes our conversations matter. There’s a reason “performance” is in our company name! How do we hold each other accountable? At the end of every conversation, it’s important to discuss who will do what, by when, who will follow up, by when and how. By answering those questions, we know what steps we are taking to move forward, when they’ll be complete, and who will help ensure it all gets done. What do we do if something unexpected happens? Life is unpredictable, and any number of things can throw a wrench into our otherwise perfect plan. Perhaps one of the most important aspects of choosing accountability is the responsibility to actively communicate obstacles. The person assigned to the task...
3 Ways to Clean Up Your Mess When You Say the Wrong Thing   

3 Ways to Clean Up Your Mess When You Say the Wrong Thing  

Being human means being imperfect. You’re going to make mistakes, and you’re going to say the wrong thing. Even if you do, everything is still, as Marie Forleo says, “FIGUREOUTABLE”! So what do we do when we’ve said the wrong thing and fear we’ve hurt a relationship? Here are 3 ways to clean up your mess when you’ve said the wrong thing: 1. Acknowledge the impact. Whatever you said or did, regardless of what your intention was, had an impact on the other person, and that impact is negative. Acknowledge the impact. Ask more about it so you understand it in full. 2. Apologize. There is nothing like a straightforward apology without any excuses attached to it. “I’m sorry, but…” doesn’t work. It’s justifying. Neither does, “I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt.” It’s removing responsibility from your shoulders. Look them in the eyes, perhaps pause for a second so they know what you’re about to say is serious, and say, “I’m sorry I…” and leave it at that. 3. Try again. When we say the wrong thing at Trybal, we call it an Etch-A-Sketch Moment. It’s when something doesn’t come out quite right, or we forget to employ an important skill to having an effective conversation. The best thing to do when we’re having an Etch-a-Sketch Moment is to acknowledge it and then request a do-over (the same way you shake up an Etch-A-Sketch and start over). This metaphor illustrates the fact that we don’t have to be perfect, that we can try again. Most people will happily grant you a do-over when they see your heart is earnest. Progress...
The 4 Reasons It’s Time to Let it Go

The 4 Reasons It’s Time to Let it Go

Depending on your Strengths, you may naturally feel the inclination to speak up about something that’s tough or, alternately, bottle it up inside. Based on the situation, talking about it is not always the best answer. Sometimes it’s better to simply change your behavior. As we know, actions speak louder than words. Though it can seem difficult to know when to speak up or when to let it go, we’ve created a list to make it a bit clearer! Here are 4 reasons it’s time to let it go: 1. You don’t have a purpose that works. Lacking a mutually beneficial purpose when you choose to have a conversation is a sure-fire way to further tensions. Before you decide to speak up, ask yourself, “Why do I want to talk about it? What outcome am I hoping for? Will the other person see the benefit of this conversation for themselves or the relationship?” If you can’t answer those questions, you probably don’t have a purpose that works. 2. You’re trying to change the other person. We can’t change others. The only person we can change is ourselves! If your sole purpose for talking about it is changing the other person, you might want to reconsider. 3. You just want to tell the other person off. Telling people off doesn’t work in the long run. Sometimes you want to say exactly what you’re thinking because it feels good to let off some steam; however, it only hurts the future of the relationship when you’re reckless with your words. 4. You aren’t considering timing. When we have something important to say,...
The Top 3 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Conversations   

The Top 3 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Conversations  

If we were watching two people argue, it’d probably be pretty obvious the major things that were going wrong. We might observe raised voices, one person cutting the other person off, or a condescending tone. It seems so clear what’s going wrong in the moment. What we don’t often consider is that the conversation may have been sabotaged before either one of them even opened their mouth! Let’s say I run operations in a company, and you run sales. It’s Friday, end of quarter, and you just made an unbelievable sale. You’re EXCITED!!! I review the sale and see it’s impossible to deliver on it. I am FURIOUS!!! How I handle my fury when I come speak with you will either hurt or help our relationship. Here are 3 ways I can sabotage the situation. In other words, here’s what not to do! 1. The Blame Game If I stammer into your office ready to throw all the blame on you without even taking a breath, I’m really not helping the situation. You’ll become defensive, and a wall will rise between us. Whether I think it’s your fault or not, walking in with that mindset and strictly blaming you does not work toward a solution. 2. Not Having a Purpose On top of my blaming, if I cannot define the mutually beneficial purpose of creating the conversation with you, then I’m not going to get very far. Especially when I’m holding you accountable for something I feel set me up for failure, sharing a mutually beneficial purpose, like “I want us to work better together as the company grows this year”,...